Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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