My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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