are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
