honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize