Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The best revenge is premature balding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
