im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
