somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
