shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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