That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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