so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
