My hand turned me down
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
