5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
