walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
