I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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