chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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