Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
