then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
