ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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