p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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