i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
