Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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