I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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