The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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