I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
