All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are all done wearing pants today
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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