bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
