I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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