if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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