I think i peed on brittanys purse
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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