i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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