if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
