obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize