Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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