saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
