It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize