Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
