Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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