don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there was a trapeze. enough said
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
