Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize