i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
