just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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