you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
