How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
