ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
