it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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