How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
