My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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