This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
