I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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