he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dicks are not precious.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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