If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
