I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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