A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
