Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
