Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize