i permit you to call me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
