She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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