and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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