That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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