I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
