just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
