listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
