So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
