She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
