remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
