What did we do last night that was yellow?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
