"it" just moved
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
