Pants 0. Shit 1.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
