she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
