Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
