Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They took my balls.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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