Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
