so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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