I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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