i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize