a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
