Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
