you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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