They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
