I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
