if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize