1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
