My room smells like vodka and shame
Welp...herpes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize