In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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