who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
