don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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