i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You pole danced in your parka.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize