I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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