I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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