Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
