the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
