between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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