why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
