Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize