Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
