No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
