Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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