We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
