I want to walk on stilts...naked
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
