i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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