Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
two words: eviction party
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
