I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
