Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
