i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
